Passive Aggressive Behavior: Definition and How to Recognize It

Since childhood, we have learned not to be angry. Everyone, from our parents to school and society, has taught us that anger or aggression is socially unacceptable. And, if a child does dare to act in a way that might suggest that the action was a way to release their enraged emotions, they are immediately schooled or lectured. This behavior instills an idea in their brain that the repercussion of anger is somewhat negative. However, it fails to teach them how to express their emotions effectively.

These instances can result in people developing different ways to show their disagreement—a socially acceptable one. For example, a child learns from a young age that if they don’t want to do a chore their parents have assigned them, frowning or pouting about it might get them into trouble. Still, they might get away with it if they procrastinate on the same task or sheepishly admit that they simply forgot about it.

This is just one example of passive-aggressive behavior. On the surface, an action similar to this might seem neutral or even harmless, but it is just a way to communicate their aggression in a much more concealed way rather than being direct. By doing so, people might find it difficult to confront their behavior as it isn’t an evident portrayal of aggression, thus leading to confusion. A person can also develop similar behavioral traits later in their life. And it could be a significant disadvantage to their personal growth and relationships. However, there is always time for individuals to start understanding their emotions and develop a healthy outlet for their feelings.

A Brief Overview

Passive aggression or passive-aggressive behavior originated around the end of World War II. It described the soldiers’ behavior of passively refusing to follow their superior’s orders by being inefficient or lazy.

In simple terms, passive-aggressive behavior might seem harmless, neutral, or co-incidental. However, it displays one’s indirect aggression that might be unconscious or sometimes conscious. While a direct display of aggression might involve bold or assertive actions, a passive-aggressive person will avoid confrontation and let others take control of the situation. Or, in certain circumstances, if they have to exert power, they will take a discreet and indirect approach.

Passive aggression can be an extremely unhealthy way to express emotions. It can even hurt the sentiments of the people at the receiving end of this confusing behavior. Thus, further harming the relationships in one’s personal and professional life. Additionally, it is not always easy to understand if someone is passive-aggressive because the signs can be subtle. In some cases, it can also be a symptom of any other underlying psychological issue. Therefore, it is crucial to understand what causes this behavior and how to recognize it.

What Causes It?

Witnessing passive-aggressive behavior in daily life is quite common. It can be someone giving the cold shoulder to their partner over a disagreement or an employee doing the bare minimum because they did not get the raise they deserve.

However, when these actions evolve into continuous behavior to overcome the feeling of being dependent, ignored, or helpless, it becomes a more significant problem. There are several reasons behind a person developing passive-aggressive behavior, which include:

• Early childhood: One of the most significant reasons for passive-aggressive behavior arises from early childhood. A child raised in a family environment that discouraged any expression of intense emotions like anger or unhappiness might grow to learn that showing emotion is inherently wrong. As a result, they might find other ways to communicate their feelings passively rather than finding a healthy way to manage their anger or resentment.
• Underlying mental disorder: In some cases, passive-aggressive behaviors might stem from a stressful event or another mental health issue. For example, disorders like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder (BPD), and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are common mental health issues that have symptoms that closely resemble passive aggression.
• Sudden life changes: Sometimes, an unexpected life event, such as losing a loved one, dismissal from a job, or relocation, might also manifest passive-aggressive behaviors in people.
• Situational circumstances: Sometimes, people can learn to develop passive-aggressive behavior based on their circumstances. For example, schools, workplaces, or social gatherings might discourage the aggressive display of emotions as it is deemed socially unacceptable. One might take an indirect approach to confront an infuriating scenario in these situations.
• Discomfort with confrontation: People with low self-esteem often struggle to be assertive and express themselves. Therefore, avoiding conflict and choosing to be passive-aggressive becomes easier. Many people develop passive-aggressive behavior as a coping mechanism. However, it can be extremely unhealthy.

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Effects of This Type of Behavior

Sometimes, responding with silence when you are incredibly disheartened or unhappy can be pretty tempting. However, it only makes it difficult for you to express your sadness. And over time, it can also negatively impact your relationships. When you don’t effectively communicate with the people in your life, they might stop trying to mend the relationship. And this can cause a greater rift between you and your loved ones.

Furthermore, when people don’t communicate their emotions, it only festers resentments or unresolved issues. Here are some examples of significant risk factors for passive-aggressive behaviors:

• Distrust: It is difficult to confront anyone because passive aggression might seem like a neutral response. Thus making it difficult for people to trust a passive-aggressive person.
• Stress: A person who has to be on the receiving end of passive-aggressive behavior can experience massive stress. It can result from recognizing the behavior and finding an appropriate response to the aggression.
• Relationship issues: Passive aggression can escalate any relationship issue. When people hide their aggressive intent or take an indirect approach to let it out, it is incredibly stressful for their loved ones to understand them.
• Poor mental health: In some cases, passive aggression might be a symptom of a mental health issue or a cause for developing one.

Is it a Mental Health Disorder?

Passive-aggressive behavior might not be unusual in our daily lives, but for some people, it is an unconscious yet integral part of themselves. And while passive aggression might be a character trait for many mental disorders, it isn’t a distinct mental health disorder. It is much rather a character trait than a disorder. But it can still negatively affect people’s personal and professional lives. People with low self-esteem and confrontational issues tend to avoid social gatherings, which might result in missed opportunities to form better connections. They also tend to perceive themselves as a victim and actively complain about others, making it challenging for people around them to trust them.

How to Deal With a Passive Aggressive Person

Dealing with a passive-aggressive can be mentally exhausting and frustrating. So what do you do to save yourself from the stress of trying to decode the mixed signals and confusing behavior? If your friend, co-worker, or romantic partner regularly displays passive aggression, it is vital to try and communicate with them, despite their refusal. It would be best to recognize the primary signs of indirect behaviors, such as refusing to speak, moping without reason, sarcastic remarks, and procrastination.

It might sometimes be challenging to keep your anger under control, as passive-aggressive people often project their complex behavior onto others. The best way to deal with such actions is to hold them accountable without assigning any blame. Take a neutral approach to make them understand how their behavior negatively affects you.

When you talk without passing any judgment, you allow them easily express their emotions. It also makes them realize that you know their passive-aggressive actions, and it is essential to talk it out.

However, convincing a passive-aggressive person to engage in an open conversation can be tricky as they don’t want anyone to notice their anger and constantly try to conceal it.

Here are some healthy ways to deal with a passive-aggressive person:

• Keep your emotions in check: Your priority should be taking care of yourself. Anything else should come later. It is crucial to prioritize your mental peace before helping others.
• Hold them accountable: If you are not at fault, it is fair to hold the person responsible for dodging genuine communication and confusing others. It is essential to make them realize that you recognize their aggression to make them understand the consequences of their behavior. And you are willing to speak to them for a better solution to express themselves.
• Respond to the emotions: A sudden confrontation about anger might further agitate the pers. Instead, talking about the feelings promoting such behavior is better. It helps them shift their focus from anger and makes it easier for you to better address their emotions.
• Avoid counter-aggression: No matter how tempting it seems, responding to their passive anger with similar aggression is never a good idea. The only thing that might come out of such behavior is a vicious cycle of silent treatments and a severe gap in communication.
• Set healthy boundaries: It is essential to draw boundaries when a person refuses to recognize their passive aggression. It can be helpful to stop participating in any exchange of such intolerable behavior. Removing yourself from the stressful scenario for even a moment might prevent the situation from escalating.

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We have grown to learn that any display of rage is unacceptable. However, it also fails to teach us how to manage our anger, which leads to developing an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with anger, like passive-aggressive behavior. Anger or aggression is an integral part of human nature, and it is inevitable to get upset sometimes. And people must know how to deal with such emotions without harming themselves or their loved ones.

If you recognize passive-aggressive tendencies within yourself and want to change them, you are already on the right path. Talking with a professional therapist might give you a clearer insight into your emotions and their unconscious motive. But finding a skilled therapist for your concerns might seem like a chore, especially if it is your first time. With DocVita, you get the answers to all your therapy needs. Here you can browse and choose a therapist that suits your every need.

So, if you or your loved one is seeking a therapist to help with passive aggression, visit DocVita to book an appointment in just a few simple steps!