Love is important between people seeking to marry each other. But it is not the only thing that answers all the questions to a successful marriage. Couples that are years into their marriage may often end up parting ways. The reasons can be money, past incidents, values, differing opinions, or childbearing. These are the foundations that support a healthy marriage. For the same reason, partners must converse about these things before getting married.
Often, they may find it difficult to do so. In those cases, premarital counseling may open doors for them to discuss such issues. Opting for it has shown a tremendous success rate in couples worldwide. It is also known as couples therapy. According to Health Research Funding, newlyweds who underwent counseling have shown a 30% higher success rate than those who didn’t seek it. It is a professional help that provides excellent guidance on decision-making, relationships, and the problems couples face. There are many benefits of such an arrangement.
There are also many reasons for partners to seek premarital counseling. It is an effective way to focus on a particular issue they may face. Partners often fight over certain specific issues, and couples therapy may help reduce them. It allows people to tackle insecurities and uncertainties about the future.
This counseling is a therapeutic process that helps them familiarize themselves with therapy. It offers a safe space where they can come any time later when the need arises. People often forget that fights are for finding solutions and not winning. It leads them to resentment, and this can be an effective measure to avoid such a situation.
What is it?
A premarital counselor specializes in resolving issues that may divide partners in the future. They provide a communicative medium that can fill the gaps in a relationship. The therapy itself is a preventive measure to avoid conflicts in the future. Pre-marriage counseling can prevent people from entering marriage counseling later in life. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, an expert in relationships, says, ” Premarital counseling helps couples create a blueprint for their lives together.”
It addresses many issues like finances, beliefs, children, and so on. These are important issues, and partners should have a similar approach toward them. A similar approach will help build a strong foundation for marriage. It involves filling out questionnaire forms to understand what partners expect of each other. These questionnaires help therapists better understand the weaknesses, converging interests, and strengths. It also allows one to understand one’s partner better and set realistic expectations.
Who Should Seek It?
Couples who wish to take their relationship further can seek couple therapy. If you are sure that you want your partner as your spouse, you can start by finding a counselor near you. The necessity of undergoing therapy need not arise from a relationship crisis.
People who have healthy and functioning relationships also seek therapy. It is not only a corrective therapy but one that also prevents conflicts. Romanoff says that partners choose each other based on things that even they are not aware of. Therapy can help them understand what factors led them to like each other. These could be interests, familiar patterns of past incidents, or conflicts.
If you seek therapy, your counselor will start by assessing the dynamic between you and your partner. Observing where you and your partner stand as a couple is important. During counseling sessions, one must be very patient and calm. One must not hesitate to share details about what one thinks and feels.
You can find therapists through friends and family, religious institutions, or workplaces. You may have to schedule the session at an appropriate time and place so that both you and your partner can benefit.
Improving Communication Skills
Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. One of the most significant problems in marriages is the absence of it or a broken medium of communication. Partners who do not converse with each other may end up in a dysfunctional marriage. If you have a partner, you should be able to talk about mundane and heavy topics.
Topics like time spent together or some past incidents are significant. Along with these, money, values, politics, and work should also be a part of your discussion. Premarital counseling can help you and your spouse achieve comfort in communicating with each other. Communication is something that must flow naturally between partners. Any relationship can suffer if there is even a slight discomfort in communication. Discomfort in communication is a sign that is more like a wake-up call.
Premarital counselors are experts in making people comfortable in their skin. They also help them to find comfort in their partner’s presence. It is one of the many reasons why unmarried couples must consult them.
Get to Know One Another on a Deeper Level
You and your partner are confidants. You must be able to confide in each other all your sources of trouble. It is a great way to know each other on a deeper level. Going for premarital counseling sessions may help you to know your partner better. It may also help you understand your feelings about marriage, gender, beliefs, and compatibility.
Knowing your partner better may also help them eliminate anxiety and insecurities. It will help you accept them for who they are, which is important in a marriage. It also plays a vital role in highlighting how compatibility functions between partners.
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Learning the Best Ways to Solve Issues
It helps solve and avoid several issues. It is a great problem solver and teaches you how to approach problems. The resolution of conflicts also depends on how you behave with each other. It includes learning how to communicate, keeping composure, being patient, and listening.
Identifying potential problems is another major point that needs work from both partners. It may be a bit difficult for either of you to come out of your comfortable space and address what is an issue amongst yourself. Anger management, consumption, disease, and similar issues are not easy to go about. Knowing these problems and discussing them before marriage is the best way to handle any issue in the future. This way, you may come up with a plan to tackle them whenever there is a need to do so.
Set Clear Expectations
Nothing hurts more than unfulfilled expectations. Partners should ask themselves more often whether their expectations are idealistic or realistic. Although what is idealistic and realistic is subjective. This is why a third person’s perspective may help narrow or broaden your ideas about expectations. You should discuss expectations carefully and openly. You must be cautious that nothing is withheld from your better half.
Couples therapy before marriage can help the two of you discuss your expectations. It reduces the chance of facing disappointment in the wake of a crisis later. It takes into account how one of you may handle the everyday situations of living together with the other person. It involves work, family planning, job loss, and sex life and how you can mutually help each other. It provides a plan that can work out when a setback appears.
Identify Money Issues and Goals
Money causes a lot of marital problems and even fallouts. One of the many reasons this happens is how one of the partners handles their finances. Studies show that money has constantly been a source of discontent in marriages. This is where marital counseling comes in.
It can help you both before marriage to be comfortable in discussing finance. If you and your spouse decide to spend the rest of their lives together, you must consciously be in charge of each other’s expenditure. It includes planning a budget, how you must split the finance, and not getting competitive.
Another crucial thing that you must keep in mind is future goals. Future goals may or may not play a part in bringing people together. But it most definitely plays a role in bringing stability into a marriage. If one partner chooses to go abroad for work, they should speak about it to their partner before tying the knot. If they plan to situate themselves in different cities, it can also be a reason for discontent and miscommunication later.
To avoid these circumstances, couples must discuss their individual goals. It is better if you do it because you can plan a strategy to work towards a happy marriage without compromising each other’s goals.
Receive Unbiased Opinions From a Therapist
Couples’ counselors are experts on all premarital and marital cases. They always know the best way to resolve a specific issue or conflict. They do not incline on a singular side and give the best advice to both partners. They are aware of all the perspectives, which helps them to come up with an unbiased opinion. They may observe things in a way the partners can’t, which is why their perspective matters. As mentioned earlier, they can assess the dynamic between the partners through the sessions and use observations to provide guidance.
It is worth noting that this type of therapy can help you resolve issues that are resolvable. But it can also highlight issues and differences that are irreconcilable. They may be a result of unrealistic expectations or the types of personalities. There can be many deal breakers for couples. These could be not wanting to have or adopt children or choosing to stay with one’s parents. Usually, a compromise is achievable in a way that is satisfactory to both partners.
Romanoff says, “one of the most effective aspects of premarital counseling is the opportunity to improve communication skills by instilling strategies, teaching tools, and unpacking repetitious conflicts in the relationship.” Pre-marriage counseling may be scary for some people. Some people may even refuse to see the positives that it would bring to the table. You need to understand that premarital counselors are medical professionals in their field. They have the best insight into marital conflicts and related issues.
Get Started with a Trusted Therapist on DocVita Today
Trusting a professional with your private matters, especially those that involve love and another person, can be difficult. Being reluctant is natural in such cases, but you can trust DocVita to provide you with a trusted therapist. Our mental health professionals will handle your concerns with utmost care.
Don’t let differences and misunderstandings stand in the way of what could be a happy married life. Even minor conflicts, if unresolved, can easily spiral out and cause issues in the future. Schedule an appointment with us and begin your new stage with fewer conflicts and more understanding.