In a world where everyone’s fighting battles untold, alone and unknown, it is impossible to tell what a smiling face might be hiding beneath that calm demeanor. That single mother who shows up every day late at work yet has a smile to offer to every colleague of hers could possibly be fighting custody battles, depression, or financial and emotional crises.
Life has a peculiar way of turning the tables when we think that things cannot get better. It is during these distressing times that life shows you the healing power of kindness and empathy. The least we can do is to offer a word of comfort or our undivided attention to someone who may be struggling to keep it all together. No, we aren’t talking about just acknowledging someone’s suffering superficially with a nod or a kind smile; we are referring to going that extra mile because who knows when life may pull one on us, and we may need the comfort someone in our circle seeks today!
A Quick Definition
Let’s try assimilating the concept of offering empathy with a straightforward example. Consider a scenario where it has been raining cats and dogs, and you see a homeless person wearing torn shoes struggling to keep himself dry and warm with a frayed tarpaulin sheet. Now you might sympathize with the person and offer him a dollar or two.
But when a shiver passes down your spine, and your heart sinks a little when you imagine walking or sitting in wet shoes with holes in such inclement weather, you would probably rush home, dig out your extra pair of waterproof sneakers, an old raincoat still in good condition, a towel, and a hot meal, and revisit that homeless person with comfort and cheer. That, my friend, is empathy for you, feeling it, meaning it, and going that extra mile!
Remember, what goes around, comes around. This blog will discuss simple ways to show empathy in a world that could do with more genuine acts of love, kindness, and acceptance.
There are three types of empathy, namely:
- Cognitive Empathy: As the name indicates, this involves the listener’s capacity to resonate with the experiences of another individual without making references to their own experiences, beliefs, or biases. This offers an alternative perspective and helps the subject open up and voice their feelings, albeit in a guarded manner.
- Emotional Empathy: Emotional empathy goes a step further than cognitive empathy and involves a more visceral and mirrored response to the subject’s suffering with respect to shared experiences.
- Compassionate Empathy: Compassionate empathy is a hybrid of the above techniques and is useful in problem-solving scenarios where the subject asks for the listener’s advice. In such a scenario, the listener needs to understand the circumstances and resonate with the same at some level before proceeding to offer an unbiased view, alternative perspective, or advice.
1. Practice Active Listening
Most of us listen only to offer our two cents, build judgments or give solutions that may work. Rarely do we give our undivided attention to someone while they open up to us. The first step towards becoming an active listener in letter and spirit is to put that phone away. Try removing all distractions such as crying kids, bawling pets, and thoughts such as “what to cook for dinner tonight?” out of sight and out of mind.
The process of active listening involves both verbal and non-verbal communication. Most of the time, people just need that one person who will patiently listen to them, in a non-judgemental manner, without forcing their opinions or solutions on them. If a work colleague chooses to spill their personal or professional dilemmas with you, try to mirror their non-verbal cues, such as changes in facial expressions while maintaining comfortable eye contact. Do twenty percent of the talking and, if necessary, pose open-ended questions that might help them know what they need. Be the shoulder you would want for yourself on the rollercoaster that’s life!
Know that sometimes people just need to be heard and have their emotions validated and their misery acknowledged. By giving them the emotional support they deserve, you let them know that even though you cannot walk their path, you can always provide them with a shoulder to cry on, a hand that wipes away their tears, and words that soothe their soul. If somebody goes to sleep smiling without any tears on the verge of rolling down their eyes, know that you have been of service to a fellow human being. In a world full of hate speech and disturbing news, be the reason someone believes in the existence of empathy in the world! In the end, this is all that matters.
2. Show That You Are Interested
The biggest turn-off in any conversation is being physically present but mentally absent. In an increasingly fast-paced world where people are hard-pressed for time, incidences of loneliness despite having a seemingly good network of friends and family are increasing. It is indeed disheartening to see that people feel that nobody cares and that no one will truly understand their emotional pain. This is the root of most emotional suffering.
When you offer to meet up with a friend either in person or digitally, give them unconditional support and try to understand the situation from their point of view. Please don’t keep looking at your watch, the door, or the surroundings, as this will clearly indicate your disinterest in listening to what they have to say. Don’t let them feel as if you are bored while lending them an ear. Being present at that moment with them might just make a world of difference and alleviate their sorrow to a great extent.
3. Keep An Open Mind
While practicing empathy towards different individuals going through a hard time, the caregiver must keep an open mind towards perspectives and viewpoints different from their own.
Only when you can truly accept and admit perspectives that you aren’t comfortable or acquainted with can you feel the other’s pain, frustration, and suffering as your own. This helps you empathize better and plays a crucial role in widening your worldview. Someone’s viewpoints might not align with yours, and that’s okay!
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4. Make Eye Contact
They say that the eyes are the window to one’s soul. Try looking at the eyes of hungry, homeless children begging on the streets, and you will know what I am referring to. The blank look of hunger, pain or abuse looks right back at you, which is difficult to overlook or hide. Sometimes people communicate more through their eyes than through their words if you pay enough attention.
That is exactly why one way to reach out to a person in pain is to look them in the eyes with warmth and compassion. Let them know they are heard and seen and their feelings are valid. However, while you commute at a deeper level with eye contact, please ensure that it is done in a non-creepy manner and if someone is not comfortable with it, respect their wishes. In some cultures, holding eye contact is considered rude, so it’s always best to test the waters before treading.
5. Offer Your Help
Suppose your mother is facing a bit of a struggle in learning mobile applications. In that case, a small gesture of thoughtfulness, such as offering to teach her the basics of placing a Zoom call or using Instagram on her phone, will make a world of difference to her emotional state. She might feel more in tune with the current digital world and know you are there for her without getting impatient.
Gestures of offering help need not be magnanimous or too grand. Even a small tip to the young waiter who might be struggling with tuition fees can help him get through the day with a smile. Letting your friend know that you are just a call away lets them know that they aren’t alone in this world and that someone actually cares about their well-being. However, promise only as much as you can genuinely offer and when the need arises, be there for them as you said you would be!
6. Let Go Of Judgment and Biases
Unlearning judgments, biases, and preconceived notions pave the way for new learning. It is easy to pass quick judgments on someone’s reaction to a particular situation, but it takes a lot of effort to look at the incident from their point of view. Our experiences, values, and learnings might differ from those of others, but that does not make us superior.
To empathize effectively, shed the burden of your biases and judgments, sit with an open mind, and give empathetic responses in the best way sans any unsolicited advice.
7. Put Yourself In Their Shoes
You must be familiar with method acting and the often extreme routines performers put themselves through to get into the skin of the character they are playing. There is a good reason behind this. Our experiences are different from those of the next person. A person who breaks down at the sight of ants or lizards in their room might seem bizarre to another person who might be quite comfortable in their company. But you never know what’s going on in the first person’s mind or their childhood traumas, if any. Communication is the key here.
Suppose you were born in a family where food, shelter, and clean clothes were not something you had to worry about daily. In that case, you might not be able to relate to the feeling of detachment and insecurity in someone who has had to shift homes regularly for whatever reason. Sometimes it is not enough to just imagine someone’s pain and offer a word of comfort; you need to walk a mile in their shoes to truly experience their sufferings as your own for a day or two. Share a meal with the homeless, and see how their decision-making differs from yours simply because of so much uncertainty that you might take for granted. Only then will you be able to empathize with people who need help effectively.
Get Started with a Trusted Provider on DocVita Today
For those experiencing trauma, help is just a couple of clicks away at DocVita, where you can expect professional help delivered to your virtual doorstep through amiable, empathetic specialists who truly care about your well-being. Accepting that you or someone who might be battling traumatic experiences such as abusive relationships and work retrenchment is the first step towards healing. Happiness awaits on the other side; DocVita’s team of trusted professionals is willing to walk with you that extra mile and see you through the other side of the tunnel! Take a chance on a wholesome life and book an appointment now!