What are the Warning Signs of Financial Abuse in a Relationship?

Abuse can come in many forms, even as dowry taken for wedding gifts. Financial abuse is a common form of abuse seen in unhealthy relationships. In such cases, one partner uses money and resources to control the actions of their counterpart. In severe cases, the victim is rendered helpless and utterly dependent on the abusive partner. Therefore, it’s best to end this relationship in the beginning. Keep reading to discover the signs of financial abuse and how to overcome them.

A Brief Overview

Financial abuse happens when there is a power imbalance in the relationship, and your partner leverages money and other resources to control your actions. Any type of economic control or exploitation comes from preventing you from working to managing the amount of money you spend. It might include determining what you can spend money on, keeping bank documents to themselves, or controlling other assets.

Although this type of abuse is less commonly understood or discussed than other forms, it is one of the most powerful methods to trap a victim in an abusive relationship. Because of no finances, they cannot survive on their own. So, they only have limited choices; either to stay in the abusive relationship, or to leave it without any financial security.

Some regions of India have a narrow mentality regarding the fate of their daughters. They believe that from the day of their birth, daughters are meant to be “handed over” to their husbands. This means they do not belong with their blood family but in their future husband’s home. So, female victims of financial abuse usually have to stay with the abuser as separating from their husbands or taking a divorce is considered a stigma. And women’s families may also advise them to take the heat instead of helping them because they are concerned about their social standing in society.

It’s worth noting that men can also suffer financial abuse. It just depends on the power dynamics of the relationship. 50% of men in India experience domestic abuse. Financial abuse could be a part of it. Let’s look at the forms of financial abuse in a relationship.

Ways It Can Be Perpetrated

Abusers are pretty cunning and manipulative. It will be hard to identify signs of abuse. Here are a few forms of economic abuse in which an abuser may try to take control of your money and resources.

• Dowry: Dowry is a part of the marriage ritual where the bride’s family typically pays the groom’s family a massive amount of cash, gold, gifts, and property at the time of the marriage. While willingly paying cannot be considered abuse, women may get abused, humiliated, and retaliated against to force them to pay dowry or increase its amount. This ritual is followed in many cultures around the world. Despite it being illegal in India, it is still prevalent. Not only does the dowry system dehumanize a person by treating them as property, but it also casts them as a burden. Sometimes, when the family can’t pay the amount, the other person may mistreat, abuse, and threaten them.
• Withholding Financial Information: In a relationship, one partner usually takes care of finances, maybe because they are more responsible or they like to do it. This is normal. But what is not normal is when the partner takes control of finances and does not give the other partner access to accounts or funds.
  In most cases, they don’t share financial information because they are ashamed of their choices and don’t want you to find out. In other cases, they do not want you to escape, so they cut off your access to credit cards, debit cards, and bank accounts.
  Generally, they have poor self-esteem and a very fragile ego. Although abusers look strong, they are afraid that you will leave. So, they try to bring your self-esteem down. To justify their actions, they might belittle you by calling you financially illiterate and incapable of handling finances.
• Deciding How Much Allowance You Deserve: Some couples have their weekly or monthly allowance to prevent overspending. Usually, both teams determine how much money they both should get. But an abuser may decide that amount for you and restrict your funding to the bare minimum or even lower to trap you. Eventually, your allowance might be reduced, preventing access to basic needs such as medicine or food.
• Discouraging Or Disallowing You To Have A Job: To maintain the power dynamic, your partner may forbid you or sabotage your current job. This could be done in many ways:
  
  • Harassing you in your workplace.
  • Physically or mentally abusing you before an important meeting, so you show up distracted.
  • Criticizing and dismissing your profession or career path.
  • Pressuring you to quit your career, even if it means using your children as a justification.
  • Dictating where you may and cannot work.
  • Sabotaging your job responsibilities.
  • Preventing you repeatedly from reaching the workplace on time.
  • They might push you to an extent where you feel like you have no choice but to quit your job.
  • An abuser may make the thought of leaving a job appealing by promising to take care of and pamper you. But as soon as your income is cut off, they may try to destroy your relationship with your family and friends to make you helpless.
  • There is a desire to cut off your sources of assistance, making you financially dependent.
• Getting Heated Up Over Finances: Suppose your partner becomes enraged and violent whenever you spend money on anything other than necessities. In that case, this is also an indication of abuse. Perhaps you purchased something for your personal use or just because you wanted to buy it, and this made your partner unhappy. Typically, they will become enraged and may verbally abuse you. They will eventually calm down, apologize, and vow that it will not happen again. But it will often happen again. It’s a never-ending circle.
  It’s also possible they’ll try to manipulate you and blame you for their rage. Your partner might say, “you’re the reason I am acting this way; otherwise, I wouldn’t have done it.” Suppose you splurge a little money on yourself and your partner goes nuclear every time. In that case, you are in an abusive relationship. Remember, there is nothing wrong with engaging in self-care and spending a little bit of money on yourself.
• Unauthorized Charges / Economic Exploitation: The most severe type of money-related abuse in a relationship is when the abuser intentionally destroys the victim’s financial resources or credit.
  There are many ways in which your partner may subject you to economic exploitation. Still, they may use your money without your consent. For example, they can buy credit cards you do not know about and not pay the credit card bill, refuse to pay bills under their name, or gamble away jointly earned money.
  Always double-check your financial bills for fraudulent activity. Victims in abusive relationships generally have no idea what is happening with their money in the bank. Meanwhile, their partner spends all their money without paying off their credit card bills. As a result, the victim’s credit score will be damaged, and they will be drowning in debt. They may be unable to obtain loans in the future or pay current obligations as they have no money! The consequences of this violent relationship can haunt you for many years.

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How Does it Impact Victims?

HThe impacts of financial abuse are often devastating. It makes you feel inadequate and unsure of yourself due to the emotional abuse you face alongside the financial abuse.
Sometimes, victims may also have to sleep on an empty stomach as they may be denied necessities as they do not have money. It leaves them vulnerable to physical abuse and violence. The victims are wholly and financially dependent on the abuser; they are cut off from their families and have no income source.
Even if the abuser is violent, the victim cannot leave because they have no money. If they want to get a divorce, it will be difficult for them to afford the necessities and housing. In addition, victims frequently have dubious employment histories, destroyed credit histories, and rising legal troubles due to years of financial exploitation. As a result, establishing independence and long-term security is extremely difficult for them. Thus, many victims stay with or return to abusers owing to financial worries.

What to Do About It

Being in such a relationship is traumatizing, disabling, and fearsome. If your situation is not difficult, you can try counseling to save your marriage. But if you don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel, you need to end it. Creating an escape plan should be your first step. Here are some tips to escape an abusive relationship. The longer you are in it, the harder it will be to get out. So start planning as soon as possible.

• Pull Your Credit Reports and Recent Transactions On Your Bank Account: You are preparing to start a new life without your partner, so you need to know where you stand financially. If you do not check your bank balance and credit report, you can’t see the severity of the financial damage done. Thus, you won’t be able to create an efficient escape plan or reverse the damage.
• Freeze Your Bank Accounts: If you are sure you are a victim of financial abuse or can spot discrepancies in your bank reports, then it would be wise to temporarily freeze the accounts. You can also put alerts on them so you will know of any transaction your abuser makes.
• Start Saving Cash: Stash away as much money as you can. Hide it somewhere your partner may not look, or open a secret bank account to hold these funds. This step, however, is risky. If the abuser finds out about it, they could act violently and get angry. It’s possible that, in severe cases, the victim has no money to save. In that case, you can reach out to local shelters that will provide you with necessities such as clothes, food, and shelter.
• Reach Out: After leaving, you should either visit your trusted family members or friends who will protect you. If you cannot trust anyone, many government organizations and NGOs can help you and your kids free of cost. To elaborate, they can send help, and protection, provide counseling and give you shelter.
• See A Therapist: It’s ideal if your partner will also see a therapist. Perhaps it’s worth giving it a shot and seeing if your spouse is prepared to work on their behavior. Still, suppose you don’t see progress. In that case, you’ll need to be willing to exit such a toxic relationship, which could be exceedingly tricky. Whatever decision you make, a therapist can help you deal with the consequences.
• Gather Essential Documents: If you have access to your (and your children’s) important documents like an Aadhaar card, passport, ration card, bank documents, and health insurance card, keep them safe. Take them with you when you leave. You will need them if you choose to file for government benefits, a job, or even while traveling.

Get Started with a Trusted Provider on DocVita Today

If you think you or someone you know is a victim of financial abuse, remember that time will not heal this toxic relationship. You need to take action to improve your life and become financially independent. Whether your partner agrees to take counseling with you or you decide to leave them, you can benefit from a mental health care expert in both cases. Book a counseling session with Docvita today!