Ways to Create Healthy Boundaries In Relationships

Have you been feeling stretched thin lately? Are you constantly stressed about going to work because your colleague keeps taking digs during frequent restroom breaks? Is your partner being a pain in the neck simply by continuously saying things that hurt you? If that is the case, then my friend, your boundaries have been long breached, and you are suffering the consequences.

Halt right there! All is not lost. Reclaim your power by visualizing, clarifying, and letting the people in your periphery know about the do’s, don’ts, and absolute deal breakers for you that could cost them the loss of your company. Then, if they care about you, they will pay heed to it, and if they don’t, well, you can get rid of the extra baggage! Remember, respect is a two-way street!

Boundaries are like fences; they keep away unwanted trespass attempts, thereby protecting your physical self and mental sanity. But, again, clear communication is the key phrase here. You have to let them know what works for you and what doesn’t. For instance, if you don’t like being pressured into a particular expression of physical intimacy with your partner, it is okay to let them know. If you do not want to accompany your colleague for drinks after work, you will have to tell them about it.

People can be either plain mean, sadistic, or simply unaware of your triggers. Setting clearly defined boundaries reduces the chances of intentional manipulation, gaslighting, or unintentionally hurting your sentiments. Less drama, more peace, higher productivity, and better life satisfaction, isn’t that the ultimate goal? Presenting a well-researched guide on how to set boundaries that can help you maximize your happiness and protect your personal space. Read on to know more!

A Quick Overview

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is an integral part of self-care. Whether family members, work colleagues, bosses, or interactions on social media, clearly defined boundaries limit expectations and stress on both sides. So it is a win-win situation!

These help build self-esteem and minimize resentments at work and home. Children must be taught this often overlooked skill at a young age to be aware of what’s okay and what’s not, for instance, the choice to say no, if relatives hug or kiss them without their consent.

At this point, it is essential to outline the differences between healthy boundaries and unhealthy ones and how the existence of unhealthy boundaries has the potential to turn into abuse, whether mental, physical, emotional, or sexual. Here’s what healthy boundaries are supposed to look like:

• The ability to say no when you don’t want to accede to something and the ability to take no for an answer in a similar situation.
• Understanding, respecting, and communicating one’s needs to people and respecting their needs in return.
• Acknowledging that boundaries can be flexible, albeit not at the cost of one’s health and sanity.

On the contrary, unhealthy boundaries border on and may soon become abuse, resulting in harmful outcomes for the people involved. This is what some of them may look like:

• Finding oneself not in a position to say no. Remember, you always have a choice.
• Not being able to take no for an answer and manipulating people to do stuff they don’t wish to do.
• Compromising one’s core values, set of beliefs, and ethics to please others.

While healthy boundaries empower us to take charge of our lives and lead the best possible days, unhealthy boundaries can erode our energy and emotional well-being. Therefore, having your set of limits well-defined and demarcated for others to follow and respect is highly recommended. These could be concerning your time, emotional energy, privacy, identity and beliefs, sexuality, finances, and material possessions. You can implement them with family members, coworkers, children, friendships, strangers, and romantic partners.

The Different Types

Now that we are familiar with the concept of setting boundaries, let’s delve into the five different kinds of boundaries for a deeper understanding.

• Intellectual Boundaries: All of us have a core set of beliefs and ideals, and we do not take kindly to their inconsiderate dismissal by those with different ideals.
• Physical Boundaries: As the name suggests, these boundaries refer to one’s privacy, space, and body. Some people might be comfortable with displays of affection in public, while others may cringe at it.
• Sexual Boundaries: These are one’s range of behaviors, comments, and ideas regarding intimacy.
• Financial Boundaries: These are your limits regarding lending or borrowing money. Having clear financial boundaries in friendships and relationships is crucial to avoid discord.
• Emotional Boundaries: Emotions and feelings can significantly affect a person’s mental state. Thus it is important to have well-defined emotional boundaries to reduce the chances of getting hurt.

Another way of classifying boundaries in families is as follows:

• Clear Boundaries: Families with clear boundaries are more likely to give a conducive environment for each member to develop individual interests, be assertive and healthily communicate their needs. They are stated in clear terms and are adaptable and flexible.
• Rigid Boundaries: Families that have rigid boundaries are known to have limited interaction within the family and beyond. It’s like a wall between the individual family members that allows the negligible exchange or flow of ideas and opinions, resulting in challenges in expressing needs and individuality.
• Open Boundaries: Families with a loose or fuzzy sense of boundaries are more likely to exhibit codependency and traits of enmeshing. There is a lack of a healthy balance between time together and time apart. Individual decision-making is adversely affected in such scenarios.

What Are the Benefits?

Have you ever envied the Zen-like demeanor of that one family member who keeps to themselves and doesn’t meddle in any business that’s not theirs?! Yes! It’s because they have their boundaries sorted and take no garbage! Here is what having solid and well-defined boundaries can do for you:

• Less stress: Who likes to be buried under unhealthy expectations from bosses, significant others, and family members? No one, right? So spare yourself the unnecessary and easily avoidable stress by limiting your availability and having clear rules for every sphere of your life.
• Lower resentment: Helping people is a good thing, but not at the cost of your own health and well-being. Please remember that you cannot pour from an empty cup. For example, if a friend needs emotional support and you are already battling frazzled nerves, let them know politely that you do not have the capacity currently to accommodate their emotional expectations.
• Reduce the onset of burnout: Burnout results from doing a lot more for others than what your body can deliver. No job or relationship is worth losing your health over. This is where having healthy boundaries helps keep the balance in perfection!
• Work-Life Balance: Most of us are tempted to stay for that extra drink at the bar post work but end up either oversleeping or waking up in a hurry feeling tired all the time. Setting the right balance between business and pleasure is the key to a holistically healthy life.

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How to Start

We are aware of the concept, types, and benefits of setting limits regarding our time, money, physical space, intimacy, emotional needs, etc. Now let’s get down to the actual task of setting realistic boundaries that save you the unnecessary drama in life.

• Think with a clear head: With a lot going on in our lives simultaneously, pausing hyperactive brains and focusing on the task at hand can be challenging. Sit in a quiet place, in your favorite corner of the house, with a cup of freshly brewed tea. Once you are all calm and relaxed, think about areas that need your attention where people have repeatedly been draining you of your precious energy or resources, whether it is a friend who keeps asking for money every now and then or a relative whose gratuitous remarks are something you could do without.
• Start setting goals: Before you set a clear limit on every area of life that requires social interaction, you must have certain goals you intend to achieve through these boundaries. Peace of mind, more savings, less stress, enlist them all!
• Take one bite at a time: Setting limits where none existed earlier can be daunting for someone who has yet to learn the power of saying “No.” So start small and focus on one domain to begin with.
• Practice in private before saying it to the intended person: Standing up to someone for yourself requires a lot of energy and courage. So it’s okay to take a break and practice in front of the mirror before saying it out loud to the person the boundaries are meant for.
• Simple for the win: Loading someone with a massive list of information will not benefit either side. Instead, eat the frost first by simply saying the thing that bothers you the most. There, voila! A battle well begun is akin to half won! Cheers.

Let’s take the instance of setting boundaries with parents. This can be a difficult ground to maneuver for many as it’s quite a daunting territory to navigate, especially if you and your folks have a lot of unprocessed baggage. Difficult, yet not impossible. Here’s how you can do it without appearing unreasonable or ungrateful:

• Stay respectful: By giving them the respect they are worthy of receiving, you set the tone right for the conversation. Talk like a respectful confident adult, and it will set the ball rolling smoothly.
• Stop sweeping stuff under the carpet: It is easier to ignore pain spots than to treat them. But in the long run, it always helps to pick on the throbbing nerve that screams for attention.
• Stay calm and composed: Controlling your parents’ emotional reaction to your issues is not in your power, but choosing not to react and staying cool in the face of fire may help them select tepid waters too!
• Address one issue at a time: Again, as mentioned above, throwing a whole list down someone’s throat is not only impractical but also not advisable. Tackle one issue at a time, and you should emerge unscathed!

What Do Unhealthy Boundaries Look Like?

Here’s what encroached boundaries, or the sheer lack of them on the verge of abuse, look like:

• You are being coerced or manipulated so that you begin doubting your reality or version of the upsetting event. Yes, that’s gaslighting, a very common form of emotional abuse employed by cold narcissists.
• Somebody in a position of power consistently employs unethical means to scare you into doing something you are uncomfortable with.
• A partner, family member, or coworker becomes hyper-controlling and intimidates you from indulging in reasonable activities that you might like to indulge in. Sounds familiar? Please take this as an SOS call, my friend, and take your power back!
• You dread being intimate with your partner because they repeatedly do things you don’t like.
• You constantly struggle with unfinished submissions because you cannot say “no” when swamped with work.

Adults who have been abused as children struggle with setting boundaries at work or in personal relationships. Since they grew up with a lack of control over their sense of emotional and physical space, they tend to find comfort in repeating the same patterns with their future partners.

When Should I Seek Help?

If you have been nodding along to some examples of crossed or unhealthy boundaries, it is evident that you need to stand up for yourself. Pay attention to how your body feels around some people; if you feel drained or are left with the constant feeling of walking on eggshells or feel nauseous and uneasy at their intrusion into your personal space, you know exactly where to draw the line! Protecting yourself from manipulators and energy vampires may seem tough. Still, you know that you need to do something about such people in your life before your energy reservoirs run empty!

Get Started with a Trusted Provider on DocVita Today

Healthy boundaries help you enjoy life to the fullest without any unwarranted intrusions into your personal, mental or physical space. However, if you have trouble chalking out these lifesavers, help is at hand! DocVita has a team of trained, experienced, and empathetic mental health professionals who can help you when you are feeling burned out. You are not in this alone, and help is just a couple of clicks away. Book a session with your preferred therapist now and give yourself the breather you need.